New Men, Sauntering Away
by PureSmoulder
Summary: What happens to the personalities after regeneration? Where do they go? This short story attempts to tell the tale of the afterlife for the Doctor.


Ah, it's starting. My first regeneration. I've always wondered what it would feel like. This body's wearing a bit thin, anyhow. Time for a change.

I hurry back to the TARDIS, finding to my surprise she is already beginning to take off. What an intelligent girl. She knows what's about to happen.

I seem to have forgotten something. Ben and Polly. They haven't gotten back yet.

Ah well, they're young. They'll catch up, in all good time.

My muscles weaken as I struggled to keep my hold on the TARDIS console. My dear, dear, faithful TARDIS. My hearts are giving out. I let them.

A warm sensation engulfs me. I try to relax, to ease him in, when a loud banging send my hearts pumping again. It must be Ben and Polly. They're shouting for me to let them in. I think I'd better.

With the last of my withering strength, I flipped up the lever and crumpled to the ground, the last things I hear being Polly calling out my name.

I wake up to find myself in the TARDIS. Must have dozed off again. Fair enough.

But something gnaws at the back of my mind. I struggle to remember. Then it hits me.

I've just regenerated.

Quickly, I examined my hands. Wrinkly and old.

That's not right, I should have changed. What's going on?

As I ponder this, another thought struck me. It's too quiet. Where are Ben and Polly? Were they still out there? Have I left them in Antarctica?

I rush to the doors and tug on the handle. It doesn't budge. I pull harder.

"Come on, old girl! Let me out!" I shout. Then I realize something else. It's too quiet.

The TARDIS isn't in flight, none of the buttons were lit, and the central column isn't gyrating.

This is most peculiar.

As I try to get her working again, frantically pressing buttons and pulling levers, a loud voice echoes throughout the control room, uttering one word.

"Doctor."

I'm startled, momentarily. Then I reply.

"Yes, what is it? What do you want?"

"For you to listen."

"Alright."

This is most intriguing. Who is this voice?

"As I'm sure you're aware, Doctor, you've just underwent regeneration."

"Yes, indeed. But now the TARDIS is inactive and Ben and Polly are missing." I state to the voice. Perhaps it is responsible for this.

"You are not in the TARDIS."

"Are you mad? Of course it is. Where else would this be?"

"Your conscience."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You've regenerated. To make space for the second personality, surely the first one has to go somewhere."

He does make sense.

"Yes, but where is this 'somewhere'?

"Why, in your mind. It's all in your mind. You're in the back part, the unused section. The rest is occupied by the new personality."

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"Just watch. Observe. That's all you can do. Perhaps on the next regeneration, you could have a nice chat with the Second. But for now, you're on your own."

"I still have some questions. Why does my mind resemble the TARDIS? Why am I still alive? As a matter of fact, who are you?"

I receive no reply.

* * *

"Stop! You're making me giddy! No, no, no, no, no, no, noooo…."

Oh my giddy aunt, I never imagined I would go like this. Forced to change by the Time Lords. I feel my soul being torn from my body, my control over my muscles scraped off as the new personality slots in. The giddiness overwhelms me and I shut my eyes for a second, trying to ease the pain.

I open them to find myself in the TARDIS.

There's a man fiddling with the console. An old and wrinkly man with grayish white hair. He seems familiar, and yet so alien.

"Hello, who are you?" I call out to him. He turns in surprise.

"Oh, you've regenerated, have you? Come, make yourself comfortable. You'll be here for awhile." He gestures to a chair.

I stumble over to it. The giddiness still persists.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor."

"No, that's not right. I'm the Doctor." I retort.

"Yes, that is right. But so am I. I'm the First."

So that's why he's so familiar.

"Where are we, then?"

"Settle down. It's a long story."

* * *

I stumble out of the TARDIS and crumple on the floor.

Ten years I've spent in the time vortex, in constant agony as the radiation ate away at my cells. Now finally I could have release.

My eyes flutter shut and I depart from this body, as the new personality arrives.

I open my eyes to find myself back in the TARDIS.

There are two men standing over the console, whispering to each other. As I wander closer, I begin to make out what they are discussing.

"Do you think it'll be soon?"

"It had better be. If the regeneration doesn't begin now, the Doctor is as good as dead."

I feel compelled to speak up, but I feel so tired. So, so tired.

As my body falls to the floor again, I hear footsteps coming towards me.

"Oh my giddy aunt, how did we not see him?"

"He's a stealthy one, he is. Come, help me bring him to the bedrooms."

* * *

I feel the warmth as the Watcher merges with me. As my soul intertwines with his, the new one appears and gently pushes us aside. I feel myself floating, for what seemed like an eternity, before finding myself in the TARDIS.

I pick myself up and arrange my scarf, before looking about.

There are three men sitting about the console, each with a cup of tea in hand.

A middle aged man, with an absolutely stunning bowl haircut notices me standing there and beckons for me to join them.

"Come on then, have a seat."

Somehow, although I find them so strange, my mind tells me to trust them.

I graciously accept his offer, and the cup of tea that another man, an old, wrinkly one, pours for me. As he pours the tea, he asks.

"So, I suppose you'll want to know where you are."

"Oh yes, this is all very queer." I reply, before taking a sip. Mmm…. Good tea.

The old man starts rambling, with the other two chipping in their two cents. From what I can gather, I am in my mind, along with all my previous incarnations, which if you ask me, is rather annoying. I'd thought death would be more relaxing. Nevertheless, I'm here now. May as well get comfortable.

I reach into my jacket, feeling for the familiar paper bag, smiling as I pull it out.

"Would you all like some jelly babies?"

* * *

I'm dying, I'm sure of it.

And to think I'm not even halfway through my regenerations yet.

There is a slim chance that I'll survive. But I really don't know. I've never succumbed to poisoning before.

I can feel the freezing darkness clenching my soul, dragging it away. I feel the warmth, the inferno of the next soul taking my place.

I can finally rest.

My eyes spring open and I get up.

I see four men tinkering about the console.

No, I guess not. Even in death, I cannot rest.

Brave heart, I tell myself. Brave heart.

I walk up to them.

"Ah, here's our newest chap. He's mighty young, isn't he?" A peculiar man with curls about his face and an abnormally enormous scarf wrapped about his neck.

* * *

Pain. That's the last thing I feel.

I go adventuring in all of time and space and how do I perish? By knocking my head on the console.

As the pain subsides, I find myself able to open my eyes.

I find myself back in the TARDIS, but the girl, Mel, is nowhere to be seen. Instead, there are five men knocking about, chatting or something.

I saunter up to them.

"Who are you lot then? And why are you in my ship?"

One of them, a particularly old one, turns to me.

"Come, sit down. You'll want a bit of rest, after the… unfortunate way you departed."

"What are you blabbing on about? Explain to me how am I departed. I am still standing alive, and well."

Someone else, a man that looks all teeth and curls, absolutely astonishing, sighs. I wonder if his own mother would love him.

"You're a difficult one. Just sit down and we'll explain it to you." He snarls.

"I don't see why I have to listen to you. I demand you all exit my ship immedia…"

"OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, JUST SIT DOWN WILL YOU?" The first man shouts, his face twisted up in absolute exasperation.

I sit down.

* * *

"I'm not human! I'm not….I'm…"

The anesthetic, it is starting to have effect. I can't go like this. I have to tell them. I have to...

No, it's too late, I can feel it, I'm going, I'm going.

I snap awake and gaze around. Back on the TARDIS. Why does this seem so familiar?

A voice snaps me out of my daze.

"We've got another one! He's a bit dazed; help me get him onto a chair."

"Of course, he's dazed! He just died from a probe stuck in his chest! All because of that incompetent surgeon!"

"Now, now, it's not her fault."

"Oh, and whose fault would it be then?"

"Six, shut up and help me!"

"For the last time, I am the Doct…"

"We're all the Doctor here! Now, if you're not going…."

The Doctor. Those two words stick with me as I slink back into unconsciousness again.

* * *

"Physician, heal thyself."

As the thick, cooling, bitter liquid slides down my throat, I feel painful convulsions echoing throughout my body, forcing me to the ground, halting my breath.

As my soul departed from this body, I felt sorry for the next soul to enter. Sorry for all the horrors he would have to face in the war.

As I drifted off, on my way to peace, at last, I began to hear voices.

"He forced regeneration on himself?"

"What a coward, sparing himself from the war."

"Oh, and I suppose you would have fought in it then?"

"Of course! I see nothing wrong with war, if it's for the greater good."

"I think you'll find you're the only one here with that opinion."

* * *

I've led a good life, I feel. I've fought for my people and ended the war without ending any lives.

The warmth feels wonderful, it feels relaxing.

I feel a gentle force lifting me into a new plane, like the hands of angels.

I find myself in the TARDIS, surrounded by familiar faces.

"Welcome home, Doctor."

* * *

Fantastic. That's how I would describe my life. Absolutely fantastic.

It was great fun, gallivanting about space and time with Rose Tyler. I'm sure going to miss her.

Of course, I'll see her again. Just need to wait for the regeneration to kick in.

Ahhh, there we go. My face's changing. In a moment, I'll be back in the TARDIS and ready to go. To Barcelona, with Rose to see the dogs with no noses.

No, wait. Something's off.

No, what's happening? Something's pulling me away.

I'm dying. I'm actually properly dying.

No, I promised Rose.

I wouldn't die.

I wasn't going to die.

I push back, trying to get back into my body, trying to regain control. I've almost got it; almost back in, when something else shoves me aside, flying into eternal darkness, screaming for Rose. I black out.

Oooh, what a headache.

I rub my sore forehead as I got up and looked about.

I'm back, in the TARDIS.

It must have just been a dream.

"Rose? Where are you? I'm fine now, I've regenerated."

I get no response.

"Rose?" I call out again.

"She's not here."

I turned around, to see an old wrinkled man, with a fantastic beard.

"You're looking for the Bad Wolf girl, aren't you?"

I hesitate, before responding.

"Yes, the Bad Wolf Girl. Rose Tyler. Where is she?"

"On the TARDIS."

"But this is the TARDIS."

"No, it's not."

"Don't be ridiculous. Where else could this be?"

"You've regenerated. You know how that goes. The personality changed. The soul, if you will."

"You mean some other bloke is out there now, with Rose, travelling in the TARDIS?"

"Yes."

I rush to the doors, trying to get out. But they're sealed shut. I tug at them with all my might.

"LET ME OUT! I NEED TO SEE ROSE AGAIN! LET ME OUT!"

"Calm down."

I turn to him with an angry glare.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! SOME OTHER BLOKE IS OUT THERE WITH ROSE AND HE'S NOT ME!"

I continue slamming against the doors, trying to get them open.

"ROSE! ROSE! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HE'S NOT ME, THAT BLOKE OUT THERE, HE'S NOT ME!" I shout repeatedly, for what seems like eternity, before kneeling to the ground, sobbing.

"Rose…."

I hear other voices, other people coming up to me. But I don't care.

I'm dead.

* * *

I flip open the fob watch and watch the light engulf me.

The Doctor, the blasted, blasted Doctor shoves me away and out into eternal darkness.

Goodbye, Joan. I hope you'll have a good life.

I shut my eyes, before I start sobbing.

I open my eyes to find myself surrounded by men. Ten different men, and yet so alike.

"We're so sorry."

* * *

I fight. I fight with all my might. I might have to go, but I'm not letting the new man in without a fight.

He's trying to get in, I won't let him.

I…I can't.

I can't hold him back anymore.

He's turned his back and slammed the door.

I'm dead now. He's the Doctor now.

The new man sauntered away. He's won.

In a blink, I find myself back on the TARDIS. I see eleven men looking at me, some in anger, some welcoming, and some in disgust. One particular man stares at me with such intense hatred.

He stalks up to me, grabbing me by the collar.

"You think you're real funny, don't you?"

Suddenly, I'm afraid. More afraid than I've ever been.

"You nearly threw Rose into the Void, broke a fixed point in time and wrecked the TARDIS to make a fine little mess for the next man to fix, because you didn't WANT TO REGENERATE!" He rages at me, foaming at the mouth.

"How….how do you know?"

Am I in Hell?

"Oh I know, we all know. Because we're you."

"No, no you can't…."

"I'm the one you shoved aside." He spits his words out slowly, as if he blames me for the regeneration.

"But….that's not my fault. It's part and parcel of regeneration." I stammer.

"Oh? Then what about Mr. Smith?"

Another man appears from behind him. He looks exactly like me.

"Hello, Doctor."

"I….I was trying to show mercy to the Family….the Family of Blood."

"Mercy? Is that what you're calling it? You locked up the Father eternally with chains from a dwarf star; you threw the Mother into the horizon of a collapsing galaxy, turned the Son into a living scarecrow and trapped the Daughter in the Mirror Dimension forever! ALL WHILE CAUSING HUNDREDS TO DIE!" He's doing that foaming thing again.

I think he's about to pummel me to death, when another man, an old man in a fine and dandy suit step between him and me.

"Now, now. We all make mistakes. I've nearly killed a lot of people in my run, you've slaughtered thousands in cold blood and let's not even talk about Six."

A man with curly blonde locks, clad in what can only be called a Technicolor suit, frowns at the last statement.

"We should let him rest, before settling him in. THEN we let him run through his life, showing him his mistakes."

Another person speaks up.

"Besides, he's only managed to live 6 years. Cut him some slack."

The leather clad mouth foamer frowns for a little while, before sighing and disappearing down a tunnel, muttering something rude. Another man walks up to me. This one has a long, colorful scarf and a brown hat pressing down on curls that go on and on.

"Now, then. Would you like a jelly baby before we take you to your quarters?"

* * *

Amy. Rory. River. Clara. Handles.

I'm going to miss them.

He comes in, fitting snugly where I was.

I hope Clara will take good care of him.

I float gently outwards. Into darkness.

In a flash, I find myself on Sexy again.

There are a lot of people on her.

There's an old man with impeccable hair, a middle-aged man with a nice bowl haircut and….is that a bowtie? Bowties are cool. The third has a brilliant cape, all reddy. The fourth has a fantastic scarf with a myriad of colours. The fifth is all creamy and crickety. The Six….all the colours….My eyes hurt. The seventh, he looks really dandy, with an umbrella and everything.

The eighth wow. He's a looker. The ninth is all broody and leathery and baldie. His ears look enormous as well.

And I recognize the next two. Granddad and Sandshoes.

Wait. Are they all me?

"Welcome, Doctor."

"Hello!" I quip, because, well, what else could I say?

The old one, he walks up to me and leads me to them.

"I don't know, I don't know how you've done it, but we're all still here. I'd have thought with all of us gone through, the Doctor would have perished."

"Yeahhh, about that? The Time Lords gave me, ….gave US a new set of regenerations."

"Did they now? Well, that's ample compensation for forcing me to change." The second one replies.

"Where are we, anyway?"

It's Ten that replies.

"We're in our mind. Well, I say mind. It's like, just that little spot in the back the brain doesn't use."

"Oooh, that's cool."

"Yes, it is… 'cool'" The old one says.

"So, what do we do here?"

"Pretty much just hang around and talk. That's all we ever did. I can't imagine what it's been like for One before Two came along. Must've been bloody boring." The broody one says.

"Okay!" I grab a nearby chair and sit down, instinctively adjusting my bowtie.

It's not there.

"Where's my bow tie?"

"What?" They all chorused.

"My bow tie. My incredibly cool bow tie. Where is it?"

"You…took it off."

"But this is my consciousness! Why isn't my bow tie just….here?"

"How should we know?" Mister Technicolor replied.

This is rather irritating.

"Hang on, guys. I'm going to pop off to the wardrobe room for a bit. Maybe there's a spare bowtie there."

I scampered down the stairs and down the tunnel.

**FIN**

"Why didn't anyone tell me our consciousness didn't have a wardrobe?"

**Well, that's about it then. Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave a review and maybe a favorite if you feel it's good. It's my first Doctor Who fan fiction so please give me feedback on how I should improve.**


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